so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
