my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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