Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
