If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
