Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
