i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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