Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
