You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
