I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Im part way to drunk.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
