I murdered the dance floor call the cops
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
