She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
