I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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