I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize