i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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