Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
