I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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