dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize