Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
