Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There's always time for handjobs
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Who died my cat blue again?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
