walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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