so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize