she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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