Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Let's paint friendship bongs
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I need moral support for this bender
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
