Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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