i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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