dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize