i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
