it wasn't lemon gatorade
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
