..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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