I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
