we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
