when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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