How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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