I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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