Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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