My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
