My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
