That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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