yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
