Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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