Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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