I think I died a long time ago.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i think i just lost a toe
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
