I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
