She is in my trunk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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