So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
