A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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