I cannot find my penis.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
