They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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