i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
