I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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