thus making me awesome and them whores
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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