last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
