VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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