I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
