I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
false alarm, still single
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