I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
