that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
