I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
