Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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