If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
