Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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