I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
