I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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