So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
