I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I take back everything I said about communal showers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
