People with herpes should wear stickers.
well you can't waste a boner
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
