This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
