Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
