I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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