I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
