just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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