Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
